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what does it mean to sell out? it entails something about authenticity which is a big bag of bones. but being authentic is always a question in motion. like individuality it is under suspicion. and at the very least it is fucking hard work. to be authentic requires constant questing and questioning. i have a marketing job. i wore a white shirt, blue suit, and combed my hair in a nice tame way and took out my earring. did i lose something? "clothes and fashion are superficial. it is the inside that counts." but clothes are signifiers and your signifiers can become you unless you realise it is a play. even then there is danger. wearing a suit in central london and working with the bigshots may, in time, change your personality. a personality may have some stable aspects, and many unstable or free-playing aspects based on context/environment. i want to see my pesonalities as many branches on the one tree, the one tree with a shitload of roots going everywhere and nowhere. i want to sit in the centre of the energy of the world and dig it. i want to get lost in order to lose self-consciousness. i want to light it up. get the words chattering in my head again. after three years of living in foreign countries i didn't hear much in terms of inner dictation. my writing changed. i learned a lot. now it is time to get more playful and listen to all those damn fine voices in my head again. yeah. and really soak it all in.

so no selling out. a day job for less money is better than getting sucked into the corporate world. maybe i can go into the beast later. i can play. let's play. ok better catch the tube to get the bus to get the plane to fly to belfast. back to london in 11 days.

off we go . . .


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