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an old post from 2005

26 MARCH 2005


still breathing

A very intense dream the other night. don't know if any of you out there ever feels a bit of despair over becoming wormfood, but lately the cycle has been a bit on the downside. Hence a dream to release my anxiety.

Quite a few of friends in this one: Angie and Jake Decola, Ezra Plemmons, Fay Dacey, Adam and Melissa, Dan Albergotti, Tony Tost, and a lot of people with bits of people I know.

So we are all in an old house lining up to be executed by firing squad. The soliders tell us if we don't put up a fuss they will shoot us right in the head rather than riddling us with bullets (and more pain). I ask one soldier if he feels guilty about doing this and he says he's just doing his job. So we all line up (in a manner familiar to receiving the eucharist). Some old men are excited. One 92 yr. old man tells me he is ready to go with drama. He tells me he is from London and lived through World War Two and is tired of his body. So I watch all these people I don't know being shot in the head via firing squad. and then when they get to me and my friends they tell us we can go upstairs and compose ourselves for our execution. All of us go upstairs except Dan Albergotti. We are all in one room and some of us begin to cry. I try to imagine what it will feel like not to feel. Angie says she's not ready. I sneak downstairs and Dan is in a chair and a twin Dan shoots him in the head and both the shot dan and the Dan shooting laugh. I run upstairs. Tony is playing with a large pot of jelly and says he wants to feel one last time. Ezra leads me to the balcony and it turns out it's about a 100ft. drop to the rocks and ocean. He shakes his head and I get excited. I tell everyone we can tie some bedsheets together and try and climb down. Adam tells us we don't have a 100ft of bedsheets. Fay tells us we must move into a circle and dance one last time. I move out to the balcony and find a large rain stick. a small camera is located in the top part of the stick. Jake tells me this is the camera they use to line up their guns. He asks me if I can reprogram it so the soldiers misfire. I dismantle the rainstick and somehow extract energy from it via some hand feeling technique. Melissa asks if we should consider an orgy before we are called down to be executed. Tony asks us all to feel the pot of jelly and estimate our lives. we all hear a few shots downstairs and then some screams. a man comes into our room with a bloody white smock and tells us he's the barber and would we care for some opera? I quickly say no thinking it is code for something other than opera. He tells us all the girls must go to another room to prevent fraternization. So Tiffany, Angie, Fay, and Melissa all move to the room next door. We all hug. I begin to sweat wondering if I should just jump. Ezra suggests we steal the canons downstairs and put up a fight. Tony says he doesn't want to be tortured by The Barber. Then we are called downstairs. We all sit in rows and watch a video of the conversations in our room. The chief of police pauses the video and tells us to get ready for some humor. He presses play and we all watch me singing and chanting with the rainstick. we all laugh. I realize my pointless ritual. We are then ordered to line up for our execution. Dan waves at us. The chief of police reminds us if we try anything funny the barber will make our endings less than pleasant. I look at Ezra and he nods. I look at Jake and he nods. Tony begins to sing a beautiful song to distract the firing squad. His song is something like Dancer in the Dark. Just as we are about to make our move the house peels back and the chief informs us we are released to enjoy the sea air one last time. But we will be rounded up again very soon. We run out onto the beach and I find Tiffany and we hug and breathe and weep. Tony sings to us as we all hug. Melissa and Angie and Jake and Dan and Adam and Ezra and Fay and me and Tiffany hug and laugh and sing as we run down the beach. I feel Relieved to breathe the fresh air. To watch the waves one last time.

I woke up relieved feeling fantastic. As cliche as it is, the morning air felt great.

Two nights before the dream, I watched this movie:

BRAZIL

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