My body went into shock. Then morning. Lots of morning. When do I stop morning? If I stop morning do I stop remembering Aaron?
I have never cried this much. Or in this way.
If I eat why am I eating? I have sat in this room since I got the news of the death of Aaron. I went outside to get a roll yesterday for 5 min.
The world outside looked strange.
But I know the world outside is no different than here.
How do I feel that? How do I get beyond this delusion of separateness?
Or to feel that other part of reality that shows me we are not separate?
Some connection comes from knowing we all suffer the death of people we love.
We will all experience this (or have experienced this).
This comfort comes and goes. This realisation comes and goes.
What is the mindfulness of feeling things through the body?
My body feels run down. Muscles tight.
What do I need to let go of?