bizarro novella in progress

On her 18th birthday Lucy is given permission by her parents to travel via boat with a crew of classical actors in green tights. It his her last hurrah before settling down into duties as an island princess. As a traveling actor she becomes Lucy Queen of the Pirates and sports a beard. She is still sometimes a princess. She is somewhere between a princess and a pirate. Somewhere between a swash buckling pirate and a twirling and tinkling princess in high heels and lots of bling. While docked in Canada Water in London she discovers her childhood guru is in a place called Watermelon Island. She might still be in love with her childhood guru. Watermelon Island was a little paradise of hippiedom but Santa has invaded Watermelon Island and converted the island to coal production. He renamed it Christmas Island. Santa quickly sees he can dramatically increase his profits if he turns the other half of the island into an ecological holiday. He enlists the help of a tribe of hipsters named I-Smear. And so the island becomes one half Watermelon Island (for ecological holidays) and one half Christmas Island (for coal production). Lucy arrives on Watermelon Island to find her guru. Her parents want her to marry an Arab Fresh Prince to strengthen the economy of their little kingdom. Lucy decides to find her guru on Watermelon Island before marrying her Arab Fresh Prince. She goes to Watermelon Island but her guru is not there. He has changed into an Easter Bunny and become a surfer somewhere in the nanny state of California. Lucy is inducted into a watermelon cult on the island by a very seductive mistress. The seductress is called Sleepy Eyes. Sleepy Eyes is very persuasive. She does The Burning. The Burning is a special patented technique to burn away waste (both body fat and psychological fat). Will her former guru, now Easter Bunny, come to the rescue and leave his vampire cult in Salt Lake City behind? What about the original hippie inhabitants of Watermelon Island? The tribe of Lawrence Ferlinghetti. Will they rebel in time and take back their island paradise before it is too late? Will Lucy settle down with the Arab Fresh Prince and become a queen with lots of little prince and princess children and open a fresh record label for underground Arab hip hop? Or will she live the life of an outlaw with her former guru now Easter Bunny and leave her little kingdom behind? Will the Easter Bunny and his vampire goths square of with Santa in an epic battle on Watermelon/ Christmas Island? Will there be a battle at all?