Never Mind the Beasts Old: from Watermelon Island

The mirror was steamed up so she wiped it with her hand. She saw someone in the mirror. The person in the mirror was a man. A man with a beard. A long gray beard. She grabbed a green hood and covered her head. She tied a scarf around her face and went up on deck.

Up on the deck the men were prancing around in green tights. They were practicing their sword fighting. They were limbering up. She waved to them. They waved back. She approached them and waited for someone to speak. None of the men spoke. They just nodded to her. She realized she needed to undo the veil around her face. She wasn’t sure. She went back down below deck. She want to the bathroom to check her reflection again. She undid the scarf around her face and pulled down her hood. She looked in the mirror. The beard was gone. She was a princess.

Princess Lucy put on her glue-on beard and her crimson trousers and white puffy shirt. She was now Lucy Queen of the Pirates. She sat down on the toilet seat. She felt anxious. The Koreans were coming. She needed to relax. Lucy Queen of the pirates drank rum. But the rum was really water. It was stage rum. Lucy the princess did not drink alcohol. Her advisors had written a report. The report clearly showed that she had a gene that would warp her face if she drank more than a spoon full of alcohol per day.

She rubbed around the mound of red hairs. She greased her palm. She rubbed both slow and fast. She did not stick her fingers inside. She had strict instructions. Her parents let her go around the world as a pirate queen but her balloon had to popped by a rich Arab. When the little eye popped out she gave it a hug with her thumb and forefinger. The hug sent her head back against the porcelain throne. She groaned. She groaned three times. She did a mini fountain across the floor. Her muscles relaxed. She relaxed in her shoulders. She relaxed in her legs. She relaxed in her mouth. She was ready for the Koreans.

Princess Lucy put the glue-on gray beard back on her face. She put the eye patch over her eye. She put the stuffed parrot on her right shoulder. She was Lucy Queen of the Pirates.

She went onto the deck. The deck had cheering crowds. She swung on the ropes. She put a clock inside the mouth of a tiger. The villagers escaped the tiger. They heard the ticking clock. She laid down on the train tracks. She was dragon bait. When the dragon train came she did the dragon dance. The men in green tights came onto the stage and tried to save her. They were eaten. Only Lucy Queen of the Pirates could save Lucy Queen of the Pirates. She slew the dragon with her pencil gun. The dragon turned into a pirate prince. They got married in a Korean palace (the type of palace changed depending on the country). The pirate prince and the queen of the pirates moved into a cave. Lucy Queen of the Pirates decorated the cave according to the latest fashion. They lived together forever and ever.

The show ended. The Koreans bowed. They chanted: day ha min gyuk. Day ha min gyuk means the great Korea. Lucy Queen of the Pirates bowed. Through a translator she told them hello and goodbye and that she loved them all.

Lucy Queen of the Pirates went down to the bathroom. She ran some hot water for her bubbles. She took off her glue-on gray beard and eye patch. She took the parrot off her right shoulder. She took off her puffy white shirt. She sat in the bubbly dreamland. She dreamed of her next performance. They hadn’t told her where they would be sailing next. She wanted the next performance to have a magical sea creature. She was getting tired of the tigers, dragons and alarm clocks. She looked down at her own magical sea creature. A floating crimson head with a little button for an eye.

Princess Lucy hopped out of the bathtub. She rubbed one leg then the other with the towel. She dried her back in diagonal motions. She went to her room and sat on her bed. She sang a song about yogurt and yoga. Yogurt and yoga reminded of her guru. A man she had fallen in love with as a little girl. He disappeared for months at a time to exotic lands. When he came back she shaved his bunions. They did yoga in the courtyard and ate yogurt in the royal gardens. One day he didn’t come back at all.

When the Princess was 14 she made a song about her guru. It was full of pirates. She imagined his adventures. She wondered if she might find him. She made a deal with her parents. Her parents were the king and queen. On her 18th birthday she would travel with the royal theatre company on a boat around the world but when she returned she would marry the rich Arab. She was given one year.